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11:47PM
03-18-10
I’ve watched Dear John. And I heard the song “Set The Fire To The Third Bar”. Specifically, I was hit by the line “miles from where you are” and I watched the Official video, and thus, this blog post was born.
There are times when you see someone personally and you don’t care. And there are times when you have someone far yet you feel like that person is somewhere near. What’s the difference? I think it’s choice.
People often say that long-distance relationships never work, and I would like to say otherwise. But the distance is often painful, hard, and effortful to the point of surrender. But choice, as will always be, will come first.
Escaping will be an option, yes. But facing all of these together will be the most rational and long-term solution to everything.
I will sleep.
ALTASHHETH
12:21AM
03-19-10
MY PARENTS – Mrs. Marites Santiago and Mr. Robert Santiago who never wavered in supporting me both financially and emotionally. I hate the fact that I’m already this..mature and sooner or later, I will have to have my own life. I wish I can forever stay as your stubborn and silent kid.
The UP BETA SIGMA FRATERNITY and The UP SIGMA BETA SORORITY
Brods, our times together – both good and bad – will stay with me as long as I live. Let us continue propagating all that is good and noble in men. Cheers! Also to Brod Ules’ family, thank you for letting us in, always.
Sisses, stay beautiful both inside and out.
OMP’S UNLIMITED BUDDIES – (Among others: Marnel-my thesis partner, Ron – boardmate forever, Jules-missing in action, Kett-silent but deadly, Saer-unlimited food and drinks, Win2-tall yet short, Joei – eerily primal, Zanthe – Ms. “Waaaaaa”, Regine – Patok buddy since Highschool, Brod Joel – the neutralizer and manugbantay sang hubog and Ren – thanks sa pag bulig encode)
I started my life here in the University with a bang because of you guys. After years of listening to my unfounded ‘emoness’ and my weird pa-deep¬ moments, I’m glad that you are all still intact. Now that we admittedly have gone our own ways, I’m glad that we still try to stay together and hang out once in a while. Those moments in BALAY KANLAON (Rm 19) and the OLD OMP’s will always be ours and ours alone.
FRIENDS – You know you are one if you think you are one. I would’ve liked to mention you all specifically but it will take me hours more. Kidding. I don’t want to appear assuming that you are my friend, so I didn’t go specific. Kidding again. 
Thank you for: The pat in the back. The crazy laughing moments. The kaya mo na times. The Love. The Patience in listening. The countless tambay hours. The gift of person. Mentioning your names will be petty compared to the Thanks that I wish to give.
PAKNER – Mr. Marnel Ticao. T, tapos man sya gali noh? Thanks for the patience and for the utter willingness to be my partner in this…adventure.
YOU WHO CAME IN LATE – “Treasures are best kept buried.” Forgive me for my frequent doubts and sentimentality. I will never be the same because of you. I don’t know where this will end up, but nothing will keep me away as long as you want me to stay. Amin mela lle bok.
MY WEIRD ATTACHMENTS – Bagani and Teddy who, on countless occasions, listened to me. Kismet, my cat, for the battle scars.
SAMASA PARTY ALLIANCE – To my own mass org LFS especially, thank you for opening my eyes, my heart and my mind. Let us continue Arousing, Organizing, and Mobilizing the masses for a substantial social change. Padayon mga kaupod!
PSYCHOLOGY FACULTY MEMBERS – Statistics, details, substance and more. These wouldn’t have been successful if not for all your help: Ms. Moniq Muyargas, our wacky and outspoken thesis adviser. Mr. Jose Go, for checking our development from time to time.Ms. Lea Pradilla, for the statistical part. Mr. Darius Salaum, for the insights and the additional help in the statistical part. Ms. Parcon, for your presence in the presentation.
THE CREATOR – I will forever doubt that you exist, you know that. But if you’re there, thanks.
8:21PM
February 15, 2010
Sometimes, things and events happen so fast that you don’t even notice it. But at the end of the day, when you are alone and you stop and think about what had happened that day, you come to realize that a lot took place and you aren’t able to determine how to react.
For the benefit of my ‘old readers’ (mind you, there’s not much to count really), I am happy as hell. And it is very unlikely that I will revert to my old “lash-me-oh-please-lash-me” style of writing. I just had a pretty rough day and the fact that the only one who can make these all go away is not here, it makes it a lot worse.
Today is basically like this: Class -> Make Report -> Consult for thesis -> Bond with friends and resist the urge to drink with them -> Class -> Class w/ a postponed report. For people who are really into hard labor, maybe they’ll ask: “The hell, that’s it?” And I will answer: “Yeah, Hell that’s it.” And there will be no point.
And for those “Oh so profound” individuals, they might reason out that it is possible that in between those events, some small things happened that I really just didn’t mind at first but is attacking me now. But now, I have this feeling again of wanting to do nothing mixed with wanting to do something. How lame, huh? I really suffer during this moments. And everything cracks – my thoughts, my body and my emotions. For my thoughts, only a few might’ve gone this far because my thoughts up there are as insignificant as the booger of an ant. As for my body, I feel my neck and my back aching during these times. And as for my emotions, I basically don’t feel anything during these times. I hate this. I’m writing all about me. (How do you hate it when you said just earlier that you don’t feel now?)
I might as well sleep.
Please read my previous blog posts. They are a lot better compared to this.
ALTASHHETH
8:47PM
February 15, 2010
Flame
Wake up this wonder
It can help in anything
But like fire, take heed
Dormancy
Jolly and loyal
But dare not betray his smile
No words for decades
Burning Candle
Candle burning bright
Find strength to light it again
After it’s put out
09:27AM
February 10, 2010
I lived for 20 years now and still, I need to pause for seconds or minutes even just to figure out what how to write something about myself.
For starters, I am Joseph Maynard Acallar, born into this world on October 10, 1989 and yes, I will be 21 on “10-10-10” this year. That makes me lucky, huh? I was born in Bacolod City, Negros Occidental and I practically grew up in the streets of Talisay City, Negros Occidental. But transferred to Bacolod City last 2006.
To mellow down the melodramatic air that will most probably start once I tell you about my family background, I will bluntly say that I was born to a 19-year old BA Economics student from the University of St. LaSalle Bacolod and my father was nowhere to be found during those times but presently, I am “dating” him for 2 years now and my mother is married to another man for almost 15 years now. They have 2 children – my half-siblings – one female and one male, now 15 years old and 7 years old respectively.
The fewer people that I am with, the happier I am. I have a lot of friends though, but I prefer to make close attachments to only a few of them and at most, to only one. I enjoy playing computer games, especially RPG games that has deep storylines. I also am fond of daydreaming – imagining scenes for almost always unwritten stories and novels – and writing stuff about my thoughts. In addition, just like any other kid (kid?) of my age, I like music. But unlike most of them, I don’t pick out one genre and bang myself on the wall while listening to it and shut my ears when I hear a different kind of melody. Also, like my preference with video games, I prefer to know the lyrics of that song first before I can say that I like it.
I am quite fond of animals too. I have a pet cat named Kismet (Destiny or Fate in Turkish) and 2 (now 4 because they gave birth a few weeks ago, yey!) white mice that is living in a pretty spacious aquarium. I had 5 turtles before but for some reason, they’re nowhere to be found.
To end, my blogposts usually reflect how I view things and as they say, “For more information, just subscribe to my blogs.”
ALTASHHETH
09:48AM
06:45AM
February 8, 2010
Screen shots were taken from my all time favorite PS Game – Genso Suikoden II.
No words for me now.
I will wait.
ALTASHHETH
7:09AM
February 8, 2010
09:04AM
February 7, 2010
I am not a painter or a visual artist for that matter but I write stuff (like what I’m doing now) and I can try and empathize with those artists who occasionally experience “painter’s block”.
When drawing a portrait, sometimes you have to figure out which part of the portrait you’ll have to start on. If you’re drawing a scene, you might want to start sketching the clouds or the little bird that is fatefully perching on the branch of the tree that is the ‘main model’ or center of your masterpiece-to-be. Or you might choose to start on the little flowers that silently sway in the wind, as if calling you to give them attention. Seasoned painters might find this easy but for those who haven’t painted in a while or who haven’t ever painted yet, it is a chore that they must go through before finishing a work of art. Sometimes, they get downtrodden because of the fact that they can’t seem to start it in a ‘good way’ and thus, they can’t start at all. They later fall into the thought that they aren’t capable of painting or that their talents are not bent on painting.
I don’t know about artists really but soon, for those who gave up, it will be a life of regret and the persistent thoughts of missing the chance to meet the stroke of inspiration that is required for any form of art to succeed. On the other hand, for those who moved on, it will be a life of misery and sadness painting after painting lost, and canvass after canvass of unintelligible lines and strokes but as soon as that brush hits the right place and the invisible dots are consecutively traced up, all those things are forgotten and washed away as if nothing would’ve prevented that moment to come. And you smile and feel light as stroke after stroke, you feel that it should be that way. And you end up, wipe your sweat, and look at the piece of work that will cost around $1,000,000.. Kidding. and you look at the piece of work that will give you the contentment and happiness that comes after persistent heartaches and failures.
That’s how a beautiful portrait is born. Out of angst-driven hours, out of wasted canvass and paint, and out of the silent yet treacherous whispers of incapability.
Failure always comes from the assumption that we can predict the outcome of something based on how things are working out. Blind faith mixed with craziness and a little bit of persistence will help you realize that things are possible, that things can be better and things will usually come at the right place and at the right time when all things seem broken and impossible to patch up. After all, what you think is very different from what you know. Know that a beautiful portrait will soon be possible after years of failures, and it will.
Thank you for the beautiful portrait.
ALTASHHETH
9:41AM
February 7, 2010
11:01AM
February 6, 2010
Maybe if irrationality is a crime, I would’ve been dead a long time ago. Or, come to think of it, all of us should’ve been dead by now if that was the case.
I remember my blog post entitled Coconuts (http://eternalwind108.blog.friendster.com/2009/02/coconuts/) and I laugh at the irony of it all because there is always something in the way. Maybe things happen for a reason. And I just realized last night that events that happened to you and people that have gone their own ways are preparations for something better. Simply put, experience is the best teacher.
There are things that I don’t understand and I hope to understand them in time. For now, I will try and be happier with what I have, in the hopes that it will last. And I will have to contain these things inside me even though all of me wants to blurt it out and say it. It will be a leap of faith if I did that. And I’m not ready yet.
ALTASHHETH
11:27AM
February 06, 2010
1:08PM
February 5, 2010
I realized just now that it’s the 5th day of the month. But it is not for this reason that I blogged today. It’s a funny coincidence, I think. For you who is not familiar of ’5th day of the month day’, it’s the day when a lot of things started just because of one person, and it could’ve ended if not for some other people.
The classic ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ is a spitting metaphor for what I feel now. I am the townspeople and there are people who cried “Wolf! Wolf! There’s a Wolf!” when in fact, there is none. After 3 incidents now, I should be ignoring any cries of that sort from any person. It’s funny, and it’s monumentally crazy for me to listen again but I did. Right now, I am walking towards that person in the hopes that there really is a ‘Wolf’.
I hope though that understanding will be the one who’ll get in the way when the time comes that everything will show up and reveal themselves. I am happy. Yet, as always, there is this strong yet occasional attacks of paranoia and doubt and fear, and I will not try to redeem myself by telling that I’ve had enough in the past.
But maybe I should.
Maybe I should.
Yes, I’ve had enough of everything but I will not claim that I am numb as what most of those creepy people say to match their outfits, I’ve had enough and maybe I am stronger and I can move on much more easily, but this one now is a much stronger threat than what I imagined. If this one will be lost as well, it will destroy everything that I gathered from my experiences. And being strong again will be the last thing that will happen to me.
Crazy how I can easily fall into this kind of situation – happiness with a shadow of fear lurking somewhere at the back. As I write, I can imagine how I would feel if someone will write this for the same reason that I have. I will feel sad because fear and doubt is always tantamount to distrust. And distrust, little by little, can crack through the thickest walls.
I’m sorry. This is much more complicated for me. Very complicated.
But amidst the pangs of hurt that I feel every time you are away, every time I think about the possibilities, about the complicated situations that we are in, about the lives that we have to live separately and every time… Every time.. Never mind.. I will promise to be here until the time comes that you will have to go, or you will find that I am just an unwanted baggage, or you will learn too much about me and realize that it is wrong all along. There is so much more about me that needs to be revealed. But I am in doubt that anyone would understand.
“Hurt and betrayed, so twisted up inside. But still full of Love, but Fear has moved in where Trust should be.”
-The Guru,
Appa’s Lost Days
Avatar Book 2 – Earth
I simply wish for you to help me find real Trust again. The one that I lost many years ago. I am afraid. And I believe you are too. I hope that we get through this. And I hope that 40 years from now, I can still give you what I promised to give.
Good things happen to those who wait. I believe I’ve waited far too long. And I’m thankful, beyond any doubt, that something good happened.
ALTASHHETH
1:49PM
February 5, 2010
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