The Tale of The Closed Door
10:28AM
04-11-09
What I knew all along has to be shoved in my guts so that I can accept them and when something is shoved inside your guts, it’s damn painful. But for the better, I guess.
I knew all along that what has been is just that, a thing of the past. And futility has always been with me in my efforts to bring it back. I have always been able to come out of anything with anger. I get angry, I stay away. But with you, I can never get angry – at least, angry to the point of throwing all those that we’ve had. You said that you’ll try to conquer the distance, and because I’m gullible when I’m dealing with you, I believed it. All I wanted was to feel that you’re giving your efforts as well. But I can’t. Like you care anyway. I sometimes believe that it was all orchestrated, and sooner or later, you will have to claim your academy awards trophy. But most of the time, I believe that everything was real, but real only for that short span of time.
We’ve talked about it. And you know me, and I believe that I understood you too. They think that everything they see is like the other things that they see. And we heard rumors. And we laughed about those because we knew what we had. .
‘What we had’.
Until now, I will never deny that those few months has etched its mark in my brain. Either I buy a new brain or kill myself, there and then will that mark be removed. When I’m happy, I remember those and I smile. When I’m sad and lonely, like what I’m currently feeling because of the residue from what we had that accumulated and clogged my judgment when it comes to other persons, I remember those things and I have to try and hold back the salty liquid.
I had fun. I thank you for that. What’s left are memories – which I have no use for anymore, and the strongerst lessons that you’ve given me through our friendship. Lessons that made me realize what I’m actually capable of, and what my greatest weaknesses are. But the worst thing that this thing has left me is a great vulnerabilty. I find it hard to trust anymore. And I’m just about to ruin a great friendship because of this. Or I’m ruining it already. Because I’m afraid that this person will be like you too sooner or later well in fact, I know that, I’m sorry to say this, the person is a whole lot better than you. The person is different. And that is what I have been telling myself amidst the strong paranoia that I have been feeling lately.
My friend. I will have to close the door. It’s hard and once in a while, I will feel the urge to peek. But believe me, I will close it. I won’t let the storm come inside my dwelling again. This closing will mean nothing to you now, I know. But at least, it matters to me.
You said that it will be ‘until the bitter end’. This must be it. The bitter end that you’ve foreseen. I hate doing this, but I’m glad that once and for all, its over.
It’s easter sunday, and a new life awaits.
Take good care.
ALTASHHETH™
11:04AM
April 11, 2009
—-Pretty shitty huh? For more of that shitty kind of stuff visit my previous blog: http://eternalwind108.blog.friendster.com
Another One Of Those Lame Excuses 
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